At least, that’s the line I would expect to hear from Rivals or Scouts if they were in a relationship with Bo Pelini and ended up going to Dr. Phil to try and work out their differences. Of course, that would never happen because Bo would’ve just laughed, packed her shit up, and thrown it out on the front yard while shouting “I RUN THIS SHIT AND I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR LIP ANYMORE!!”

And then dejected, she dials up her favorite shrink for recurring weekly appointments and spends hours daily texting and talking to her friends, while gobbling down gallons of Ben & Jerry’s.

“It’s the control issues,” they all tell her. “He just doesn’t like being that close. It requires commitment to you and your relationship. It requires learning something new and he’s just not like that and you’re never going to change him.”

“But why?!” she says. “WHY?! We could be so good together! I’ve seen his sensitive side! You should see him when he talks about his defense. He actually SMILES and LAUGHS and answers me in complete sentences instead of grunting all the time! I feel so close to him when he gets like that!

She blows her nose into an already soaked Kleenex and says “You know what else? He says he’s not interested in me when I try to show him all this attention, but I’ve seen him stealing looks. Oh yeah, that’s right, I KNOW he does it! He thinks I’m not paying attention, but I do! Hell, I’ve seen him spend hours just…studying me. And guess what?! A lot of times his ‘boys’ will spend hours looking at me too! So that PROVES that I’m not crazy for wanting this, right?!”

Her friends start to reply, but she continues on. “I know,” she sniffles. “I know I could do better sometimes too!”

“What do you mean, honey?” they all say, sounding as if they can’t believe what they’re hearing.

“I know sometimes I…I drop players in rankings when they’re not being recruited by USC or Florida, or sometimes I’ll even rate a player better when they are, and I know it seems crazy why I do that.” She sniffles, sounding totally embarrassed.

Her friends gasp out loud, “Oh honey,” they say. “You just can’t do that to him! That’s not right!”

“I knoooowww…” she says, sobbing and blowing her nose again. “I know it doesn’t seem fair or even logical, but there’s this formula I follow all the time see…and, and I just can’t help myself!” She starts to cry again, “I know he gets real mad when I do that and starts breathing through his mouth and mumbling about how knows better, but I told him I’d work on it, but…but maybe I’m not working hard enough!” She sobs even harder.

Suddenly she stops and places her hand over her mouth, “Do you think that’s it?! Do you think that’s why he treats me this way all the time?!?!”

Her friends just reply, “Oh honey. We know you want this. We know you still hold out hope. Yes, you’ve made mistakes and probably will continue to make them. After all, no one can see the future, right? You just have to do the best job that you can.”

“And here’s a hint for you,” her friends say. “He doesn’t always know better than you.”

“I know,” she sniffles. “I know that he has access to a lot of the same information that I do. I just wish that…that he would acknowledge that I’m not going anywhere. That people love us when we’re together! I just wish he could see what I can see us becoming.”

“Well if it helps any,” her friends say in a soothing voice, smiling ,”we’ll ALWAYS be here, hanging on your every word, just waiting for whatever you have to tell us. You know that we’re your biggest fans, right?”

She sighs, “I know…I know.”